It’s been a minute! I’ve been debating if I wanted to share this post with all of you. But, I really felt like the Holy Spirit wants me to. I feel that heavenly side-eye even as I type this.
Let me start by saying that 2018 was such an interesting year for me. I feel like it was that year that made me examine what I truly believe, and why I believe it. I’ve noticed that in Church today we do a lot of declaring God’s promises, myself included. Though what I’ve found is that with His promises, somehow I attach my human expectations and somewhere in the midst of all that, I call it faith.
Case and point: last year, I believed that God gave me the promise that 2018 was the year He was sending my husband. In fact, it was probably the first time that I heard God speak a promise to me so clearly and directly. So, girl meets boy who’s different from all the rest, and well, attach my human expectations, and I expected for things to naturally progress. In fact, I had FAITH that they would. And, they didn’t.
So by the end of the year, I was frustrated, discouraged, and questioning: “…well, did God realllllly say?” Let me tell you friends, that is a LIE from Satan. And, it’s the same lie he’s used since the beginning of time when he manipulated Eve in the Garden. Because if Satan can get us to doubt what God has said, he can get us to step out of communion with the Holy Spirit. That’s an entire post in itself LOL. Anyway, by the end of 2018 I was in a funk - I thought that I didn’t know what God said, or that I clearly didn’t know what His voice sounded like.
So at the beginning of the year, two of my best friends - Ton and Ebs - encouraged me to do a Daniel Fast with them. A Daniel Fast is a 21 day fast where you consume nothing but water, whole grains, vegetables, and fruits. And in solidarity I said yes. But can I be honest? My heart definitely was NOT in it. In fact, I probably had one of the worst attitudes a person can have when they’re fasting HA! At one point, I may have even said, “well there’s no point in asking God to do anything during this fast because I did a Daniel Fast last year for my future husband, and look how that turned out.” Such a cynic. But man, cynicism is one of Jesus’ specialities. Despite my crappy attitude, I still kept going because I didn’t want to be the weak one who couldn’t finish. #competitivegenes. I kid you not though, on the last day of my fast - Day 21, Jesus showed up.
One of my favorite leaders and people at church - DZ - led a leadership session that day where she talked about leading by living hard seasons well. And, chile did it WRECK me. I mean actually messed my life up. In that incredibly tender and vulnerable place, Jesus showed up so gently, and asked if I was willing to let go of my bitterness, cynicism, resentfulness, and doubt that came wrapped up in my human expectations. And I surrendered it. And friends when I did, I felt a breakthrough. Like actual chains broke off of me - I felt lighter, freer, and able to understand what Jesus says when He tells us “my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30)
Now here’s the thing I’m learning about breakthrough; it’s a present-tense verb. Translation: it’s a ‘state that is currently going on or being habitually performed.’ So breakthrough doesn’t just stop when you initially feel it. Breakthrough isn’t an arrival nor a destination. It’s something that you continue to push and press through to. Breakthrough is a consistent practice, and that is what 2019 has been about for me thus far. I get a little breakthrough, allow Jesus to dig a little deeper, get a little (or a lot!) more breakthrough, and so on.
Now hear me, I still believe God’s promise to me. But, I no longer have my own flawed expectations attached to it. God is free to work and to move, as He should have been all along. And I am free to experience the breakthrough that Jesus longs to give me. And good news friends, He has breakthrough for you too! Will you trust Him? Will you surrender to Him as a good good Father who can be trusted with the deepest, most vulnerable places of your soul?
Arise, [NINA!] Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the Lord rises to shine on you. Darkness as black as night covers all the nations of the earth, but the glory of the Lord rises and appears over you. All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see your radiance.
Have a great week! Drop me a line in the comments, or let me know how I can be praying for you!